Should Ghosting Be As Bad As Racism?

What ghosting can teach us about connection

James Ssekamatte
8 min readAug 5, 2022

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Photo by Paola Chaaya on Unsplash

I’ve been ghosted so many times it's not even funny. It feels as though 90% of the people in my contacts have ghosted me. And it isn’t about the fact that I don’t reach out to them first. I reach out to them occassionally but they’ll take 4+ days to respond. That qualifies as ghosting to me.

I recently found myself fascinated with someone I’ve known for 5-ish months. She and I see each other every day. Our relationship is on a first-name basis as of writing this article but not because we are so close, rather, its because that’s literally all we know about one another.

What frustrates my best friend is the fact that I have no picture of this girl and I also do not have her phone number. And since I’m not on social media at the moment, I’m also not connected to her there.

Basically, its as if she doesn’t exist.

But she is real. The only thing that stops me from establishing these lines of contact with her is the all dreaded ghosting reality.

I know that the percentage of people who ghost me is so high but I also cannot hold it against them. These are people from different continents, backgrounds and cultures but they all behave the same way. The only thing that makes sense is that the problem lies in the common denominator. Me. Particularly me and my individual relationship with each of them.

If I’m to define ghosting in terms of the way I’ve been ghosted, meaning, someone will avoid replying to your texts or take an awfully long time (days or months) to respond yet they take seconds to respond to other people, then I’ve never ghosted anyone. Not intentionally at least.

But even though I try to occasionally keep up with people, I know that this is not enough. I used to think that there was the possibility that maybe I’m not that interesting to them otherwise, they’d have found a reason to stick around.

But all this talk about ghosting is quite useless. Like many people complaining about being ghosted, I am an adult. As an adult, things aren’t as simple as they were when I was a boy.

Adults have work, responsibilities and intentional preferences. By intentional…

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James Ssekamatte

Concerning non-fiction. I'm available for client work: ssekamatte76@gmail.com